in th mind of a bipolar teenage male

Having this sort of mind ruins alot of your life. You hurt people unnatentanaly. When it comes out it flows like a river. A river of pain. You cant stop yourself. When your mad at some one you feel they should just die so you dont have to deal with there stupid shit any more. Never to be around again. But when your cooled off of the problem you just regret it. It eats you alive inside. It feels like when your heart is just shatterd.You start to feel as if your worthless and every thing is just plain shity. Then you start to wonder in your mind and bring up any thing what so ever and then it sets your mood. Tt can be any thing. If you get stressed the first thing in mind is suicide. You feel as life is just running itself and you cant keep up. You fall behind, your ten people in one mind in one single day. You never feel one thing there is millions of feelings and its unexplainable. This confuses you so bad that life is running in circles. There is nothing but pain and more pain. You become very unsure of your self in the regular world and when your around people you feel as if your getting judged buy every body. This makesyou very nervouse inside yet you just set it behind you. one day you know its going to bite you in the ass but you dont care.you just go one with no care knowing your nothing in this world. You hate every thing one day and love every thing the next. Its so hard to stay in a relationship cuz you get things mixed up to much and tend to fuck things up. You find that the only way to get out of this is to challenge yourself. Your mind is so confused cuz it dont like change even when you want it you cant deal with it.Now your back to square one.